"I grow increasingly suspicious of your giant wooden horse."

"Aw. It's Monday and I was dreaming of cake."

"I'm not self-important, just regular important."

"It takes love to see beauty."

"Where the hell is my prize? I was awesome!"

"Training people to treat jerks nicely is just making the problem worse."

"When you look for perfection, the checklist is endless."

"What if God saved the world and nobody noticed?"

"Google knows what you did last summer."

"Doing the wrong thing really well is still failure."

"Matrix! The musical."

"I don't believe in sceptics."

"I got disqualified from the air guitar championships for bringing my actual invisible guitar."

"Everyone is welcome to their wrong opinions."

"How do you treat an allergic reaction to anti-histamine?"

"Make cake not slogans."

"Everyone you don't know is a Viking."

"Never take parenting advice from a non-parent."

He must have walked into the barber shop and said 'make me look like a dishonest politician'.

"What does a ninja wear to a formal party?"

"Tomato is a fruit, banana is a herb, watermelon is a berry and everything you know is wrong."

"The world is bigger than everything you know."

"Repetitions become habits. Habits become traditions. Traditions become rituals. Rituals become Culture."

"Life needs a serious usability study."

"People for the Ethical Treatment of Robots."

"Zero to furious in point three seconds."

"Today is the tomorrow you put off yesterday."

"I want to start a bird watcher watcher society."

"If you can't be with the one you love, build a look-alike robot."

"Most people aren't trying to be evil. They just end up that way by default."

There aren't any road signs that say "No standing unless you'll be really quick"

"It's raining, men."

"Between Eden and Heaven"

"Negativity sucks"

"Android torso + motorcycle = robot centaur"

"Living in a post-conscious society"

"Giving orders is like cooperation ..."

"Retro gets more recent every year."

"Drive through wedding reception"

"There's a big difference between moving with the times and having the times move with you."

"False immodesty."

"Necropoly: the game of the dead."

"Obama's in pajamas, coming down the stairs."

"Goof off magazine: for serious workplace slackers."

"Please ignore ASAP."

"Attempted-murder mystery"

"Good customer service is dead because nobody knows how to be a good customer any more."

"Cyclists wish they were super heroes. That's why they really wear lycra."